


Morph to someone else

by Winter_Oswin



Category: Marvel, X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Charles, Body Horror, Charles Always Says the Absolute Worst Thing He Could Possibly Say, Charles Has Issues, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Erik Has Feelings, Erik has Issues, F/M, Flashbacks, Forced Prostitution, Genosha, Human Experimentation, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping, M/M, Mutant Rights, Night Terrors, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Touching, Panic Attacks, Post X-Men: First Class, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Erik, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Raven is a Good Bro, Recovery, War, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-02 14:17:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19200574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winter_Oswin/pseuds/Winter_Oswin
Summary: "Please! She didn’t do this, Erik. You did."Erik woke up with a gasp, his whole body drenched in sweat. It took him a few seconds, a few gasps for air, to get back to the present. He wasn't in Kuba. He was in Genosha. It wasn't 1962 anymore. 5 years had passed since that day on the beach. 5 years since Erik had last seen Charles. That's why this memory returned, over and over again. He'd never see him again. Charles Xavier was dead. And just like back then, it was Erik's fault.





	1. no stars

**Author's Note:**

> I want to warn you from the get go that this is a very dark fic. Triggering content will be in this, I'll put special warning in front of chapter and I'll try to keep it as non- graphic as possible but mind the tags. 
> 
> Also, I hope you enjoy the first chapter and leave a review!

_"You! You did this!", Erik's throat was raw when he screamed at Moira. Charles was trembling in his arms, gasping and it was her fault. She released the bullet and he didn't- Erik didn't mean for it to hit Charles. He never could've hurt him._

_The chain of her dog tags tightened around her neck until she started to choke, her useless hands trying to claw herself free._

_"Please!", Charles' faint voice brought Erik back to the present and he looked down at his friend. His sea blue eyes were glistening and his face was damp from the strain of speaking. "She didn’t do this, Erik. ", Charles whispered and Erik knew what he'd say next, knew that it was true. That didn't make the blow any less devastating. "You did."_

Erik woke up with a gasp, his whole body drenched in sweat. It took him a few seconds, a few gasps for air, to get back to the present. He wasn't in Kuba. He was in Genosha. It wasn't 1962 anymore. 5 years had passed since that day on the beach. 5 years since Erik had last seen Charles. That's why this memory returned, over and over again. He'd never see him again. Charles Xavier was dead. And just like back then, it was Erik's fault.

With a shuddering sigh he slipped out of his bed. The metal floor of the room was cold against his bare feet and grounded him. He made his way over to the window, like he always did when sleep wasn't an option. Outside the sun was already rising over the sea, tinting both the sky and the water in shades of pink and orange.

They had moved the brotherhood to the island about 3 years ago, when the war with the humans started to take over and staying on land was too dangerous. They made a home for themselves here, on Genosha. Not everyone who lived here was a warrior, there were families, kids, just trying to live a normal peaceful life and Erik would do whatever it took to protect them.

He wished that Charles could see it. Then again, maybe he would've been disgusted with Erik. War was never something he even wanted to consider. He wanted to coexist even when the other side wanted him dead. It's what killed him in the end.

Erik could still remember the day when one of their scouts on the mainland called in to report and demanded to talk to Erik personally. When he picked up he heard a voice he didn't think he'd ever hear again.

"...were to many...drugged me...managed to run into the woods...they took him...", Hank McCoy never sounded so distraught, gasping for air, his voice trembling. He didn't look much better when he was brought to the island. Erik couldn't remember his exact words, the whole affair was a blur, too devastating to fully comprehend. The bottom line was this: Charles was gone, taken by faceless figures in the dead of night.

"Why didn't he stop them...", Erik remembered himself ask, his mouth felt numb, like it was filled with cotton balls.

"The serum... he didn't have his powers.", Hank whimpered. That's when he told them about the serum he created for Charles, to treat his broken spine (Erik's fault), about how it affect his powers, about how Charles got addicted to it.

A single sob escaped Mystique and Erik could remember that that was the moment it really sank in. They searched for him, of course they did. For years Erik tore up every secret base they could dig up in search for Charles. There was no doubt that the humans took him. A war was on the horizon and the government knew of him, knew what a threat he was, so they took him out. It was logical.

Eventually all hope of finding him died, not only in Erik but in the other's too. Erik knew that they were done the day that Mystique said:"Trust me, I don't want anything more than to have him back. But it's been years. At this point it's easier to believe that he's dead than to imagine what they're doing to him."

After that it was revenge that drove Erik, that and protecting what he had left. The abduction of Charles was what send the war into overdrive. Erik knew that Charles wouldn't have wanted that, at least the one he used to know. But that Charles was dead because of his dream of coexistence. Erik never really believed in that concept but he lost every last hope of it when he gave up on finding Charles.

With a sigh he turned away from the window. He might as well get ready now. He had an eventful day ahead of him. They had gotten Intel about Shaw's location and according to Mystique it looked 'promising'.

Aside from losing Charles that was Erik's biggest regret. Shaw escaped that day on the beach. It had only sparked Erik's rage which eventually ended in catastrophe. Since then he'd still been hunting him, though Shaw had gotten better at hiding.  Now that Erik had a war to win, people to protect, the search for Shaw had become less of a priority. Still, if he really found him, Erik would enjoy his death dearly, he had only dreamed of it for decades and at this point he just craved to feel any form of satisfaction. It had been so long.

~

Shaw was gone. His supposed layer in the north of fucking Alaska turned out to be a dead end. He had left, or maybe he had never been there in the first place. Erik was so accustomed to disappointment that it didn't surprise him anymore.

They still searched the base for any clues but Erik wasn't there for it, he had more important things to take care of now so he ordered Azazel to take him back to Genosha, a decision he'd later regret.

Barely an hour after he returned to his office Banshee suddenly burst in, frantic and out of breath. "Magneto-", he gasped and Erik tensed automatically at his apparent alarm. His mind ran a mile a minute, trying to think of every possible catastrophe that could be the reason for Banshee's state. Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought of the real reason.

"It's Charles." The words didn't register with him at first. It had been so long since he heard that name. They didn't talk about Charles, not even him and Mystique, not since they gave up on him.

"What-?", there was no edge to his voice, just confusion.

"We found him. At Shaw's. He's alive, he's-" Erik didn't hear the rest, he was up on his feet, moving. Where? He wasn't sure. To Charles. _Alive. Alive. Alive_.

"Where is he, I need to see him.", he demanded, leaving the office, Banshee trailing behind him.

"They are bringing him in right now, to the infirmary. But I should warn you, he's- he's different-", Banshee explained but Erik didn't care. He couldn't contemplate what Banshee ment by 'different', couldn't allow himself to imagine what Charles went through at the hands of Shaw. Not right now. Right now he just needed to see him.

They crossed the hallways of the base in a hurry until they reached the infirmary where a considerable amount of people were already gathered. Erik pushed through the crowd to the front where Mystique was standing, her hands pressed against a glass wall, soft sobs escaping her. Erik hadn't seen the blue woman cry in years but when he looked ahead, into the hospital room he could see why.

Erik wasn't sure if he would've even recognized Charles straight away. He was naked, openly displaying the horrendous state of his body. He was just bones, grotesquely protruding under skin that was covered in more scars and bruises than Erik could count. His hair was long and all tangled, mostly hiding his face from view. He looked cadaverous and Erik could feel bile rise in his throat.

Though, as disturbing as seeing Charles this neglected and abused was, the thing that send Erik into rage was that they had strapped him to a gurney by his wrists and ankles. "Why is he restrained?!", Erik barked, already making his way to enter the room.

Inside Hank and a group of nurses were discussing something and Hank glanced at Erik before looking down at Charles again. He was struggling, trying to break free and Erik could hear strangled and muffled screams and grunts that would haunt him in his nightmares. He just reached the door when Mystique grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back.

"Let me go!", he snapped before facing her. Mystique looked absolutely horrified, her yellow eyes wide, her lips trembling.

"You don't understand-", she gasped out but Erik wasn't having any of it. He yanked his shoulder free before stepping into the room. Hank automatically went to stop him.

"Erik, you should stay-",he started but Erik pushed past him.

"Let me.", he snarled before finally stepping next to the gurney. It was disturbing. Charles, or whatever was left of him, didn't look human. There was no recognition in his wild eyes. Erik could now see why his sounds were muffled, because he was gagged, his bloddy lips stretched grotesquely. Erik moved without thinking, took out the gag against Hank's protests.

The moment it was out Charles became silent, his eyes still unfocused and glassy, before suddenly singling out Erik. Then Charles spat his own blood at Erik's face. "Fuck you.", he snarled and Erik barely recognized his voice, it was rougher, cracking from screaming so much and far colder than Erik remembered. Then he started to strain again, throwing his head around, Charles was feral.

Erik stumbled back in shock and suddenly Mystique was by his side, pulling him out of the room. He just saw Hank stab a syringe into Charles' neck and then he blacked out.

~

They were in his office, him and Mystique. Erik wasn't sure how long they've been sitting there, leaned against each other,  her head on his shoulder, her hand in his.

"Were-", he swallowed thickly. "Were you there when they found him?" Erik needed answers for questions he couldn't yet form. He needed to understand what happened, what could possibly turn one of the most brilliant minds he knew into this... this thing.

"Yes.", her voice was barely above a whisper. A shuddering sigh escaped her and she pressed closer to Erik. "It was so horrifying. I'm glad that you didn't have to see it. Shaw's basement, the things we found-",her voice broke off for a second. Then she told Erik about what could only be described as torture chambers. Of labs and metal tables covered in blood. Of the room, no, the cell, where they found Charles. Tied down on all fours, naked, collared, gagged, with a spreader bar between his legs.

"He didn't recognize any of us, Erik, he-", Mystique was crying again at this point. Soft, breathless sobs that forced her to stop every few seconds. "It's like he's an animal, he tried to _bite_ Angel."

It was all too real, too awful, Erik desperately wanted this to be a nightmare. "What now?", he heard himself ask. "Do you think that Shaw broke him? That this is permanent?" It was too awful to imagine, but also an all too real possibility. Three years had passed, they had no idea what Charles went through. The Charles they used to know could very well be gone, his brilliant mind disintegrated from years of torture.

"I don't know.", Mystique admitted. "Hank will do a physical. Maybe we'll know more after that." A beat of silence followed, like she was contemplating if she should say the next thing. "We also found tapes."

Dread settled in Erik. He didn't want to see all the awful things that had been done to Charles, he wanted to take those tapes and throw them into a fire without ever seeing their contents, but more than anything he wanted Charles to be okay. Even though it might be impossible. Even though they might've been to late.

Exactly because they were so late, Erik would do whatever it took to get Charles back. And if that wasn't an option than he'd try to give whatever was left of his old friend as much peace as possible. If he had to watch the tapes to do that, he'd get through them.

"I don't know if I'm a fool for being hopeful.", Mystique admitted. "I almost don't want to hope. I know it's awful but it would be easier if I could just give up on him." Erik knew what she ment, but after 5 years of not seeing him, he wouldn't let him down this easily. "I can't, though. Not when he's still alive.", Mystique added.

Erik didn't know what to say, maybe there was nothing to add. Right now they could only wait for news from Hank but it was relieving to know that Mystique and him were on the same page. That they'd to whatever it took to save Charles.


	2. Wild stare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So here's chapter two and I hope you enjoy it and leave a review. There is discussion of drug addiction in this but it isn't graphic.

"Are you saying it might be temporary?", Erik asked Hank urgently.

Several hours had passed since Erik last saw Charles, they still kept him sedated for now. Hank just finished his physical and now explained the results to Erik and Mystique. He began by rattling off all the physical injuries and issues he found. Severe malnourishment, several bones broke at some point and regrew together wrongly, countless scars from cuts and burns, fresh wounds, contusions and two cracked ribs.

The list went on and on and at some point it all just blended together into one awful mix of horror. Hank showed them an X-ray of Charles body and pointed out all the old breaks and the new one's.

At this point there was no point in trying to make sense of his feelings. Rage, horror, devastation and guilt couldn't consume Erik, not now, he had to stay focused.

Then Hank finally got to the changes that weren't as visible. The scientist started to name substances and drugs he found in Charles' system, most of which Erik didn't even know. "He's tripping.", Hank finally explained.

"Are you saying it might be temporary?" Erik hated how hopeful he sounded. Hope was a dangerous thing for a man like him.

Hank pressed his lips together and furrowed his eyebrows like he was trying to think of the right words. "Maybe. I can't tell at this point. The drug cocktail inside him... I've never seen anything like it. There are substances that could cause hallucinations, psychosis, they could be the catalyst for his behaviour.", he replied and Erik felt Mystique shift beside him, she sat up a bit straighter, leaned forward, her expression focused.

"So we might just have to get him off the drugs...", she mumbled.

"That's easier said than done. The thing is... the dose that I found in his blood. It should've killed him, all these things should've killed him on their own. Since he's still alive he must have an insane tolerance which means..."

"Shaw probably drugged him for years, build up the tolerance slowly...", Erik realized, looking up at Hank, hoping, desperately hoping that it wasn't as bad as he assumed. The expression on Hank's face did nothing to help him.

"Yes.", Hank sighed, dropping his head before taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. Erik just realized how exhausted and beaten down Hank looked. He was the only one to stay with Charles until Shaw took him. He was the last person to see him, he almost got taken as well. Erik couldn't imagine the guilt the younger man put on himself.

"I'm- I'm almost 100% sure that he's addicted, he's definitely gonna have to go through withdrawal, if that's what we'll try."

"What do you mean, 'if'? What other options are there?", Mystique asked, a new edge to her voice. Hank just stared at her for a second before looking down at the file he had composed for Charles.

"I- I'm not saying that we shouldn't try it. All I'm saying is- It might not be worth it.", he then admitted and something snapped in Erik.

"How could it possibly not be worth it?! It's Charles that we're talking about!", he snapped but Hank didn't flinch back. Maybe he was just too tired.

"Look. All I'm saying is that withdrawal could be a huge risk. It will be agonizing and even then he- he might not survive it. And even if he did- There is still a very real possibility that the drugs left permanent effects on his brain. Irreversible damage. Even if we get him clean, he might never be lucid or functional or- or Charles again."

Somehow Erik knew that it was coming. Not to say that the anticipation made the blow any less devastating. He didn't know what to say, what to do.

"And what's the alternative?! Pump him full of drugs until he overdoses?! Or do you just want to put him to sleep like a dog?! For crying out loud, Hank! It's Charles!", Mystique suddenly snapped and it's like she flipped a switch in Hank.

"DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?! He's my friend, too, you know!", he suddenly growled and it was so unexpected that Mystique flinched back but Hank wasn't done yet. "Actually! If I remember correctly, I was the one to stay with him when both of you fucked off! And while you were off starting a war I was left to pick up the pieces! I watched him destroy himself! Because of you! And I know that I'm responsible for this as well! I know that I'm the reason that he couldn't protect himself! I know, okay?!"

A beat of shocked silence. It's not like Erik didn't know that what he was saying was true, it's that he didn't expect him to say it.

After this burst of emotion Hank deflated. The rage left his expression and he dropped his head with a heavy sigh. "I don't know, okay? I don't know what the right thing is, I don't know. _I don't know_.", he admitted, his tone defeated. Hank let himself fall into a chair , bending over and hiding his face in his hands. Mystique glanced over at Erik before getting up and walking over to Hank, placing a a hand on his shoulder, rubbing gentle circles. She was always better with comfort than Erik.

"It's not your fault.", Mystique whispered.

"That's an empty phrase and you know it.", Hank mumbled through his hands before sitting up straight again. "Anyways. Whining won't help him.", he stated, getting up from his chair.

"What should we do next?", Erik asked. He needed a plan, something to focus on.

"We wait for the effects of the drugs to wear of. I'm not sure how long that'll take, maybe a few more hours. After that we might get a better of idea of where he's at mentally.", Hank shrugged. "If we decide to let him go through withdrawal we also need to decide how we go about that. I think we'll have to keep him on some kind of pain suppressant and we might even need to continue the serum-treatment."

"Wait, am I hearing this correctly? You want to keep him on the Serum that got us into this mess in the first place?", Erik asked and at this point Hank just seemed exasperated.

"Yes. That's what I'm saying.", he replied, his tone clipped. " A different version of the serum is still in his system, Shaw apparently kept him hooked on it. His version was far more aggressive, more addictive. I'd go back to the one we used before. He'll be in enough pain as it is and the serum isn't as harmful. He's been taking it for years and I don't think he'd be able to handle his powers on top of withdrawal. It's for his protection as much as our own."

Erik raised his eyebrows, puzzled. "What do you mean by 'for our protection'?"

Mystique was the one to answer that question, already having guessed what Hank feared. "He's unpredictable. You saw him. Now imagine that he has telepathic powers. He could lash out, kill us on accident, or worse.", her tone was grave. Even when she put up a brave face Erik could see the horror in her eyes.

"I hate saying this, but... Charles can't be trusted with his powers. Not right now.", Hank nodded and Erik hated that he was right.

~

Raven spend the rest of the day by Charles' bedside. At some point they took him off the sedatives but he was still cuffed to the bed even though he hadn't moved in hours. Someone washed him and put him in a hospital gown. Raven didn't want to think of strangers touching him but at least the grime was gone.

Now her hand was resting on his head, gently stroking through his long hair, slowly untangling the knots because she had to do something while she waited. Now that she saw him up close without all the frantic movements the changes were truly daunting. Charles looked like a corpse and if it wasn't for the steady beeping of his heart monitor Raven would've checked his breathing constantly to make sure that he was still alive.

It was hard to keep the guilt at bay, the guilt and the shame. She left him, she gave up on him, Charles took her in without second thought and she abandoned him. Raven knew that these thought weren't helpful right now. She couldn't ask for his forgiveness if he didn't survive this. Still, it was hard, especially when all she could do was wait for something, relief or disappointment.

"Raven...?"

For a second Raven didn't register the voice, it was so faint. Then she looked down and her heart skipped a beat. Charles was looking at her. His eyes were glassy and confused but there was recognition in them, not like before.

"Raven?", he repeated, a whisper, a cracking, a single word and it ment everything to her.

"Charles...", her sob tore through the silence like a scream. Raven craddled his face with both her hands and he reached up to maybe do the same, only to be held back by the cuffs. He pulled against them a few times before his eyes wandered down. They were full of fear when they met Ravens again.

"Where am I?", he asked, his voice quivering, he started to shake underneath Raven's hands.

"You're with me and Erik. You're save. We found you, we saved you. You're home.", Raven whimpered. She didn't care if Charles saw her cry. He needed to know that she cared.

Tears welled up in his eyes, making the blue in them even more striking. He desperately shook his head as his trembling intensified. "No...", he gasped miserably. "No, this isn't real." He closed his eyes, taking on shaky breath after the other, slowly, painfully calming himself down.

Raven's heart broke more and more for him, if that was even possible. At this point only shambles could be left of it. "This is real, Charles. You're safe. You'll be okay. I love you."

Charles didn't reply, he just kept on breathing but when Raven placed one of her hands in his, he clung to it. So Raven just repeated her words, as gently as possibly. "You're save, you're okay, I love you."

After seconds minutes, hours, who cares, his breathing calmed down somewhat and the trembling stopped. Finally, he opened his eyes again. They were clearer this time, less confused, but also full of pain. "Raven...I thought I'd never see you again...", he whispered and the ghost of a smile that graced his lips was the most heartbreaking thing Raven ever saw.

"We thought- we though you were dead...", Raven gasped out. His smile widened but it didn't quite reach his eyes, didn't cover up the misery or the tears.

"Maybe I am. This can't be real and it's too nice to be a dream of mine...", he then shrugged. Raven bit her lip but didn't stop gently stroking his face and she was relieved to see that he leaned into her touch.

"This is real Charles. I promise you it's real. You're save.", Raven mumbled and and Charles eyes fluttered shut before his whole body went slack. He passed out again but there was still a shadow of a smile on his lips.

Raven didn't move, didn't even dare to breath. Charles was still in there, the relief was overwhelming, it washed through her in uncontrollable waves but with it came the dread. Hope is never that easy.

This would mean more pain for Charles, more struggling, more fighting. But at least they now had something to fight for. At least she knew that her brother wasn't completely lost. There was a chance and as long as Raven had that she'd cling to it. They'd get through this. They had to. Raven owed it to Charles to get him through this and she'd do whatever it took.


End file.
